Bad Hair Day?

Many have noticed and commented that I haven't had a haircut in awhile (almost 1 year). The majority of the comments have been kind, some absolutely hilarious and others, well not very flattering. So I thought I would clear the air about what's been going on.

So what's not going on is this;

• I have not become a hippie (although I appreciate some of the hippie attitude).
• Haven't joined a commune.
• Did not withdraw from life and started surfing every day.
• Smoking pot? Nope.
• Gone crazy? Let's hope not.
• Not going undercover.
• I have not become a religious, spiritual or cult leader.
• Did not give up bathing or personal hygiene. 

What I have been doing is simply growing my hair long.  Why? The short answer is so I may donate it to Locks of Love, which makes free hair pieces for young cancer patients. 

Again, you may ask why?  There are multiple reasons why I am doing this now and the foremost reason is I want to let others know, in this case children with cancer, that they are not alone and others care (me) about them.  This is the same mission of YANA (You Are Not Alone), a company I started whose main goal is to eliminate loneliness (www.YANAcares.com). 

A few of the other reason's why I am doing this are that I have had cancer and am one of the lucky ones.  I am still standing today so I want to help those going through the difficult process of treating this horrible disease.  Also, I have personally witnessed the toll it takes on children, my daughters have donated their hair to the cause & they inspire me, 90% plus of hair donors are woman and I want to show men can and should donate as well, AND I wanted to take action.  To actually do something helpful instead of just thinking about it or watching others take action. So thx for all the kind and entertaining comments and if I may say to all, just don't think of doing something, actually do it.

YANA,
Wayne

What do you say to someone who has lost a loved one? And why does death scare me?

A few days ago Lauren, our summer intern, lost her aunt unexpectedly and last night one of my closest friends Richard lost his mom to a terminal brain tumor.  Sadly Richard’s dad passed away just last November as well.  Their grief weighs on me and I truly do feel angst, pain and loss.   However I don’t know exactly how they are feeling, I just know for both it is a difficult time.

What did I say to comfort them?  I was honest and told them I really didn’t know what to say. 

I told them I am really sorry this has happened to you and I am here for you (You Are Not Alone).  After that I simply listened.  What I didn’t say was “I know how you feel”, “They are in a better place”, “My condolences”, or “We all die at some point”.  While all those phrases may be said with the best intentions or because one doesn’t know what else to say, they don’t always help.  My point is don’t let discomfort or fear prevent you from reaching out to someone.  You might not know exactly what to say or what to do, but that’s okay. You don’t need to have answers or give advice. The most important thing you can do is to simply be there and if you like, share these four words: You Are Not Alone.  Your support, caring, listening and being there will help him or her better cope with the pain and hopefully begin to heal.

These two deaths also got me thinking about my own fears around dying. Why does it scare me so much? Perhaps it was growing up in a home where nothing serious was ever discussed, including dying.  I don’t recall going to funerals when I was young, or my parents being open to talking about it.  The subject seemed off limits.   As I grew up, the discomfort never left and conversations around the topic never took place. 

Death also scares me because admittedly I want to live a long and fruitful life.  I don’t want to miss seeing my daughters grow up and living out all their dreams.  There is so much more in life I hope to accomplish and experience.  Such as fulfilling my dream of YANA and the positive impact it can have on people’s lives, enjoying and expanding current and future relationships, watching thousands of sunsets and holding my partner’s hand and telling her I love her, goofing and laughing with friends for at least fifty more years, bunging jumping in New Zealand and much much more…I don’t want to miss out on life and I have a hard time imaging myself not being here. 

If you previously read why I started YANA (http://bit.ly/12jrYVW), you know that for most of my life I have felt very alone.  One of the main reasons I felt this way was that I never discussed feelings and emotions and never allowed myself to be vulnerable.  Life is very lonely if you hold everything in and do not share it with others, and that’s exactly how I was living.  For me it felt like I was living life with all of these secrets and I was incapable of sharing them with others.  It became overwhelming and unbearable.  Today, while far from perfect, I am able to share feelings and allow myself to be vulnerable.  All thanks to my close friends, a talented therapist and a lot of hard work and tears.   Discussing and sharing how you’re feeling does help and it certainly makes me feel better.  I know that within this blog, I touched upon two topics that could be greatly expanded upon and hopefully that will occur in conversations and follow-up comments.  For me, by simply addressing these two themes I feel much less discomfort and the topics no longer seem off-limits.

Thanks for reading and don’t forget to share these four words with another, “You Are Not Alone”.

YANA,

Wayne

Lonely Entrepreneur

I never thought that starting a company, a movement to eliminate loneliness, would add to my own feelings of being alone.  The irony of that statement is not lost on me and I tried to come up with a joke about it, however I’m not that funny!

I have been essentially working on my own starting YANA (www.YANAcares.com) for the past few years…setting up the legal structure, talking about YANA with anyone who would listen and sharing our message, giving away YANA wristbands and various YANA items (tee shirts, hats, blankets and jewelry), getting our website up, strategic planning, etc, …all the while longing to collaborate with others, to work side by side with someone or a team.  Being an entrepreneur can be a very isolating and lonely experience.

Luckily for me, YANA now has two amazing employees, Anne Wagner (Chief Marketing Officer) and Lauren Fiske (Marketing Coordinator) and I get to interact, share ideas and collaborate with them on a daily basis.  It has been wonderful working with Anne and Lauren and my feelings of loneliness building YANA have diminished greatly!

As I reflected about my situation creating YANA, I wondered if I was the only entrepreneur experiencing loneliness.  So I did what any resourceful person would do, I Googled the subject.  Well I take comfort in knowing I am not alone as there are countless articles (http://onforb.es/12e8Bkk, http://bit.ly/15zqKXV) on the subject as well as a Facebook page (http://on.fb.me/11ZiJu1).  Many delve into the reasons why entrepreneurs feel alone and what one should do to help alleviate those feelings.  Helpful suggestions included:

        1.     Prioritize your life outside of work

        2.     Embrace your social sphere

        3.     Take up a hobby

        4.     Don’t always wear your business hat

        5.     Build networks, find mentors

…And the list goes on.

However I find the most helpful way to decrease or eliminate loneliness, not just for entrepreneurs but for most people in varying situations, is for a person to recognize the position you are in, to understand and acknowledge what you are going through, and to be there for you.  Whether an entrepreneur, or celebrating an achievement, or going through a difficult moment in life, everything is always better when you know you are not alone.

At YANA, we realize we can’t accomplish our mission on our own.  While we try to eliminate loneliness and create a better way to express you care about another, we are also trying to inspire people to be more empathetic, more understanding, more compassionate.  We hope to inspire YOU to reach out to another and let him or her know you care, and that you are there for him or her through the celebratory moments as well as the difficult ones.

So as you go through each day be sure to practice empathy, understanding and compassion.  And don’t forget to share these four words, You Are Not Alone.

YANA,

Wayne

Father's Day

Happy Belated Father’s Day to all!  I hope all Dads had the opportunity to spend time with their children and the day was full of accolades.

Admittedly yesterday was not the easiest for me.  I am a divorced dad and I have two incredible and amazing young daughters.  Unfortunately I did not get to spend yesterday with my daughters as they both headed off to summer camps for a week.  It is a great experience, they love the camps, and I am truly happy for them.  However it did sadden me that I didn’t get to be with them.  As a divorced dad, my time with them is already limited and yesterday just added to my missing them every day.

So what did I do yesterday?  Well I was able to speak with one of my daughters and that was simply lovely.  I did a rigorous workout (triathalon) which made me feel better, and told some close friends how I was feeling, which always seems to help.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not playing the sympathy card, I’m just a dad who simply misses his daughters and even more so yesterday.  However I do bring this up because even on Father’s Day, many people need to feel they are not alone.  Broken relationships, divorced dad’s, those who fathers have passed away and the list goes on, can create feelings of loneliness on this special day.  And it's not just Father’s Day, but just about every holiday or birthday or really any life experience that can create this feeling of loneliness.  I truly believe every life experience is better when we know we are not alone. When you want to celebrate something, you want friends and family around to join in.  When you are experiencing a difficult moment in life you want to be supported by others.  Life is about connecting with others whether family, friends or even strangers.  Maybe it's something as simple as a phone call from your son or daughter, a visit by friends, grabbing a beer with a buddy, someone telling you they understand and they know the current situation is difficult for you, holding one’s hand or getting a hug, a pat on the back, etc, etc, etc.  You get the point.  If everyone could be a little more understanding or empathetic, acknowledge what someone else is going through, so much loneliness could be eliminated.

So as you go about your day, remember to share these four words with another, “You Are Not Alone”.

YANA,

Wayne

Even celebrities experience loneliness!

Ok, I haven't blogged since my last post and yes it was my only post.  Why?  Well the simple answer is I have been afraid.  I ask myself, "Does anyone really want to hear about YANA or what I am thinking?  Experiencing?"  Who knows!  But I am now committing myself to blog once a week...fear be damned!

While I don't watch much tv I happened to catch Jodie Foster accepting an award at the Golden Globes the other week.  During her acceptance speech, she said much but one sentence jumped out at me.  Ms. Foster said, "I want to be seen, to be understood deeply and to be not so very lonely."  Wow!

Now most would say, "How could a rich, beautiful and famous person be so lonely?" Well the reality is most people experience loneliness...no matter a person's position in life, age, income, looks, popularity, etc.  We all need at least one other person to understand us (hopefully more), to be there for us, and to let us know we are not alone.  That one person can be a family member, lover, friend and sometimes a kind stranger.

We can't just snap our fingers and not feel lonely, but having someone recognize what we are going through, and telling us so, often permits more open discussions which lead to feeling better, becoming closer, and eliminating that loneliness.

The irony of my current situation just hit me.....that is I have founded a company, a movement, to eliminate loneliness yet as any entrepreneur will tell you, starting a new company is extraordinarily lonely.  I now have the topic of my next blog...till then please share these four words with another, "You Are Not Alone!"

YANA,
Wayne

Loneliness...And why I started YANA

How did YANA get started? Why did I found YANA?


The answer can be found in my personal journey.

Like many people, I have had many highs and lows in my life, which includes being a father to two beautiful young daughters, a successful career in finance, attending college on scholarship, succeeding in collegiate athletics, having cancer, going through a divorce, dealing with depression and coping 

with the deaths of others. Through the good times and bad, I felt very alone, even when surrounded by friends and family. Although at the time I really didn’t understand this or what was truly bothering me.

At the onset of my divorce, I asked myself, ‘what is wrong with me and what is going on in my life?” Through the compassion of close friends being there for me and working with a gifted therapist, I discovered (I acknowledged) for the first time that I did feel alone for most of my life and then discovered what the root causes were. Through very difficult work and with the help of close friends, I was able to diminish (greatly) what was causing my feelings of being alone.

The more I spoke (and listened) to others about what was going on in my life (and theirs), I discovered I wasn’t so unique. From these conversations I began to hear a familiar theme over and over again—others felt they were alone, too! Teenager’s dealing with the pressures of high school, bullying, trying to get into college, deployment of military and their families, single parent families, finding your first job or dealing with unemployment, sitting at the pinnacle of success, road warriors on business travel, birthdays, holidays, having a baby, empty nester’s, retiree’s, loss of relationship, dealing with illness, death…every life experience can bring on feelings of loneliness and I believe there is a solution to combat those lonely feelings! It takes one person to make a difference in another’s life. One person to tell another, “You Are Not Alone”, I am here for you. It made a difference in my life and I believe it will work for others. You may even say it has become my life’s calling.

So, I resigned from my firm and set out to create YANA (You Are Not Alone); a movement of caring, of caring people—letting others know that they are not alone no matter what they are experiencing. From celebrating and sharing good times with friends to dealing with life’s more difficult moments, everything is always better when you know You Are Not Alone.

Thank you for reading my story and remember to share these four words, "You Are Not Alone" with someone in your life today!

YANA,

Wayne